Hello from Texas!

 The 2024-2025 school year ended a little over two weeks ago. Since cleaning out my classroom for our last day of school in late June, I have gotten a hair cut, taken my kids to our local pool five times (which is no easy feat when your kids are two & five and the pool is a 30 minute walk from home). I have had lots of ice cream and read five books just for fun. In addition to all of that, last week I attended my seventh MfA Summer Think conference. The theme this year was "Spontaneous Sparks: Embracing Growth & Innovation in Teaching" and I attended some fabulous sessions on making math visual via problem-solving summer camp, queering my classroom (supporting LGBTQIA+ students) and love languages in the classroom. All the sessions & connections were inspiring! Currently, I am coming to you live from Dallas, TX at the New Desmos Fellows Orientation! It is quite fitting that my last post on here in January was about applying to be a Desmos Fellow again. I had applied last year and didn't make it, but low and behold, on Pi Day, I found out that I was selected for the 2025 cohort! 

Fast forward to today, where I am an hour away from kicking off orientation with 30 other new Fellows! Aside from the MfA Summer Think, I had never presented or attended any sort of teaching conference (despite teaching for almost twenty years). I had some reservations (I am not a fan of flying, and I have never been away from my two kids for an extended time... mom guilt is so real!) but I accepted, booked my flight and was on my way to Dallas before sunrise this morning. I am proud of me for pushing myself outside of my comfort zone and trying something new that will help me continue to grow as a math teacher. 

Like Chilli, my brain hasn't quiet comprehended this idea of "relaxing," not that I am here to relax, per say, but being in another state (1500 miles away) and not having to be the main person responsible feeding/entertaining/keeping alive two other small humans is unusual. It wasn't easy saying good bye last night, and I cannot wait to hold them in my arms again, but for now, I am going to enjoy my time as a Desmos Fellow and am looking forward to the next day and a half!

Not Enough Time

Back in January 2021, I came across this article, Instead of Saying "I Don't Have Time," Say "It's Not a Priority". As a mom of two young kids, who also works full time as a teacher, I constantly feel like there is never enough time. Simply rephrasing " I don't have time" won't magically make more time, but it can help me be more realistic about what I practically can and cannot do, and pausing and being more reflective (both on here on in general) is something I would like to work on in 2025, so here I am making at least some time to pause and write on here (even with my almost 2 year old on my lap). 

I just finished reading Stolen Focus, and I related to a lot. Particularly this year I find myself reaching a point, where  my brain actually cannot process another piece of information, both at work and at home. It's a little scary to reach that point, but I am trying use that awareness as a sign that I am doing a lot and actually must slow down. Any working mom or teacher (or both) knows that there is always more to do. 

And with that being said, it's time to get dinner ready, give my kids baths and get ready for the work week ahead. Did I get everything done that I want to (nope). But maybe I can try again tomorrow.

New Year's Eve 2024 (Almost)

As I get ready to wrap up 2023 and think about what I want to bring into 2024, a couple of ideas come to mind...

Being a teacher mom of two, who also happens to be an introvert, is hard work. You are always needed by someone. There is always a to-do list for work/home/life. You are rarely ever alone (although sometimes it can feel quiet lonely). And because of the constant overstimulation, even when you do get a moment to yourself, it can often be hard to get actually something done because your brain doesn't know how to focus. It feels like a million things get started, but very little actually gets done, and when you are physically, mentally & socially exhausted at the end of the day, it's easy to feel like a failure.

I do want to give myself credit. What have I done this year? I birthed a healthy new human, while taking care of another, very active, little human. Both of these humans are amazing people and even though they exhaust me, they are by far, the best things I have ever done in my life and I am humbled that I get to watch them grow and get to be their mom. The older of the little humans is such a cool person - she loves pre-k, she has earned a blue belt in taekwondo, plays soccer, does pre-ballet, and has the biggest heart and silliest personality. The younger little human is the smiliest person I know and makes my heart explode. And when those two little humans interact, my world is complete. 

I have also read 81 books. I have completed 222 BODi workouts. I have walked 1,766 miles (at least) this year. I completed my 16th year teaching math in NYC Public Schools & my 6th year as a Math for America Master Teacher.

Two quotes that have really stuck out to me lately are: 

• "If nothing changes, nothing changes. If you keep doing what you are doing you're going to keep getting what you are getting." - Courtney C. Stevens
  
  
• "You can't edit a blank page." - Jodi Picoult

This time last year, I knew that 2023 was going to shake things up in my life and that there was going to be a lot of things out of my control. I feel a slightly more sense of calm going into 2024 (as calm as moving from the infant to the toddler stage can be at least).

I have been wanting to journal/blog more. I also finally bought a 2024 Commit30 Planner and One Line a Day 5 Year Journal. I am also looking forward to reading Four Thousand Weeks as the Bad on Paper Podcast January pick.

I know it will be hard, but I want to make more time for me in 2024. I want to surround myself with good people and things that make my heart full.  I want to be present & laugh while I play with my children. I want to be joyful while doing math with my students. I want to make happy memories with my family & friends. I want to feel productive without feeling overwhelmed. I want to laugh. I want to be organized. I want to be intentional about acknowledging gratitude. I want to read good books and listen to good music. I want to not be afraid to start because "You can't edit a blank page." I want to not feel guilty for taking care of my own needs. I want to breathe. I want to be the best possible mother/teacher/me. I want to grow. I want to be proud of who I am & the choices I make. I am work in progress. 

Happy (almost) birthday to me & cheers to a joyful 2024!

Going Back to Work: Teaching & Mom-ing

Seven weeks ago today, I gave birth to my second child. Two weeks from now, I will be back at work. Granted, it will only be for one day (the last day of school) so I really can't complain... well actually, as a working mother in the United States, I most definitely CAN voice my thoughts on how high the expectations are for working mothers are in this country. Ironically, earlier today I came across this Time article by Kristin Gallent of Big Little Feelings & this tweet from Katie Gutierrez:

At 4 weeks postpartum I was: sleeping 3 *nonconsecutive* hours a night; breastfeeding every 2 hours for at least 30 min a session, so about 6 hours a day; and bleeding through everything I wore. If men did this, the whole fucking world would be structured around parental leave.

— Katie Gutierrez (@katie_gutz) October 28, 2021

Last week my daughter also had her first remote Zoom class of the year due to the Canadian wildfires and I got a tiny taste of parenting school-aged children during Covid, and no wonder moms are burnt out.

Yes, I will have to go back to work for the last day of school, in order to be put back on payroll for the summer and to clean & pack up my classroom and officially wrap up the 2022-2023 school year. It is also my daughter's last day of 3K and the first day I will be leaving my son with the same woman who watched my daughter when I went back to work back in January 2020.

Like last time, I am both looking forward to going back because being a math teacher is a big part of my identity, but I am also sad to leave my infant. Luckily being a teacher means I do have summer break (which teachers 1000% earn and deserve) so I will still get two more months with him before I have to figure out how to do this teaching and mom-ing thing with two children.

Right now, we have a good routine going and I although I do miss my students, I am so very grateful to not have to lesson plan, grade & do the hundreds of other things that teachers do in June. September 2023, like January 2020 will be another learning curve for me. My daughter will be starting pre-k at the same school she is currently in luckily, my son will have to be dropped of at the wonderful baby sitters apartment every morning, which is in the opposite direction of my daughters school and my school will actually be starting 20 minutes earlier, at 8:30 am, next year.

I completely acknowledge how lucky & privileged I am that: (1) I am able to walk to work, (2) my daughter has a spot to go to for pre-k at a school I am happy with that has after school care options, (3) the woman who watched my daughter and will watch my son is amazing. But I am stressed out about finding our rhythm and balancing it all. The fresh start of September is one of the reasons I love teaching, but it is exhausting, and balancing teaching (and the million things that come with being a teacher), being present as a mom (and the infinite things that come with that), and taking care of my own needs, it will be a lot to manage.

Right now, I will try my best to enjoy the time that I do have with my kids (both my children and my students) and take things one step at a time. It's not going to be perfect and it's not going to be easy, but I will find a way to make it work because that's just what moms (and teachers do).

A New Beginning, Part 2

For as long as I can remember I have kept some sort of diary/journal/blog. I really do enjoy taking the time to reflect on how things are going, but unfortunately life often gets in the way and finding the time to blog is hard.

I started this blog back in 2014 to reflect on my life as a math teacher, and I still want to do that, as a wrap up year sixteen, but lately I also find myself wanting to reflect on mom life more too, as I recently became a mom of two. So I changed some things up, and hope to be back on here to write about math-ing & mom-ing.

Here's to new beginnings...