Mid-Winter Break Blahs

Well, we made it to mid-winter break (thank goodness!) 105 school days down, 73 more to go...

How I am feeling about teaching? If I am being honest, I am a little overwhelmed. There are good days and there are bad days. I am trying my best to give myself grace... teaching four classes across two grades, while also being a mom of two little kids is a lot. "There is never enough time" seems to be my theme of the year. I have only one prep period most days and it's always used to prepare for future lessons. I am always behind in grading. I feel guilty any time I do work at home because I should be doing more with my own children. I don't clean my apartment as much as I would like. I don't cook as much as I would like. Most days I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. 

I am loving using the Desmos Algebra 1 curriculum with my 8th graders, but the Algebra 1 Regents is so early this year (June 4th), and every week I feel like we are losing a day for field trips, math competitions, me being out at professional developments... we have three full units for go, and I know we are not going to get through all of it. How can math teachers expect to go into content deeply & meaningfully when there is so much to cover in so little time? I also haven't been totally thrilled with how my 7th grade classes have been going. A few weeks ago, I gave my students their Mid-Year Math Survey & although a lot of the feedback was positive, there were several "Strongly Disagree" responses, particularly from one of my 7th grade classes, which is surprisingly not the class that I feel I am struggling the most with.

So, where do we go from here? Since we are on a break, I will take some time to rest, because, like the saying goes, you cannot pour from an empty cup, and most days, my cup feels pretty empty. Earlier this month I got nominated for a Big Apple Award again, which I really appreciate, but I am struggling to submit the application mostly because I feel like I am not doing anything special this year, so I feel a little bit like a fraud if I were to apply. I also got asked to submit a proposal for the MfA Summer Think, which I was also initially excited about, especially because that was another area I feel like I have been lacking in, again, due to there never being enough time. I always love participating in the Summer Think & have never submitted a proposal before. This year's themes are "The Power of Belonging" and "Cultivating Community Through Joyful Teaching" and as I sat down to brainstorm ideas for a 75 minute session, I realized that I am feeling less joyful and more "do the best you can to make it through the day/week/month and just accept that nothing you do will be great, but just kinda, sorta ok.

I guess my reason for writing this today is to allow myself to feel my feelings (the good, the bad & the ugly), but also figure out a way to move forward. I have been teaching in NYC Public Schools since September 2007, when I was a fresh-faced college grad, with my Psychology degree and I joined the NYC Teaching Fellows and here I am, with two masters degrees in Education, as well as my School-Building Leader certificate, with nine years at my current school (there is only one other teacher there that has been teaching there longer than me). I know I have a lot to offer, I just want actually feel like I am doing a good job.

I think I will end with an email I got from a former student, our of the blue, a few weeks ago...

Hi Mrs Anna,

I hope this is still your email, haha. Earlier today I was reminded of this assignment you gave us in 8th grade where we had to play this college simulator-type game where you had to collect as little debt as possible, and I really couldn’t remember the name of it. I ended up deciding on scrolling through the archived XXX math class on Google Classroom to see if there was an assignment posted about it (there was!) but I got distracted and kind of took a stroll down memory lane by looking through old check up questions and other assignments and projects I’d forgotten about. It made me remember how I felt about math back then, so I wanted to give you an update on how my attitude on math has changed, if that’s okay.

I really didn’t like it back then, even before I had you as a teacher. It was always so difficult , and I felt like I was always miles behind everyone else. You were the first teacher to ever change my perspective on math , even a little bit, and I’m very grateful. I think I told you this back then too, but for you to make me consider liking math, or not hating it as much, is a pretty incredible thing. I also appreciate how patient you were with me. I still remember when I took the Algebra 1 regents and you helped me when I was stressed to the point of tears. Thanks to you I was able to get an XX! ( and I was reminded of how helpful you were when I took the Algebra 2 regents this past June and got a XX..) In terms of math, in my freshman year it still gave me some trouble, but I wasn’t sure I outright hated it anymore, which was surprising for me. But this year, it’s totally different. For what feels like the first time in my life, my grades in math have skyrocketed beyond anything I’ve ever gotten before . It’s so easy now that it’s shocking I was ever struggling before. Maybe geometry is my thing. I’m consistently on top of my work in math and my other classes as well, and my grades are consistently high. I’m finally doing well on tests and quizzes, and when I get something wrong I understand why it’s wrong. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I might be starting to enjoy math now. Even though it sounds like this is the work of my current math teacher, I think it was you that made me reconsider my feelings on math in the first place and then led me to keep an open mind on the subject. It’s only been two years but I think I’ve grown a lot as a student, and you had a big helping hand with that too. So thank you, and please keep being an amazing teacher!

Maybe, things aren't as bad as I think...